They ask me why
Why I hide Why I run Why I evade the questions And laugh at the jokes I smile sadly and say If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t be scared I wouldn’t flee Or conceal myself If the roles were reversed I’d be less terrified A little more happy Prouder If the roles were reversed I’d be confident I’d find love, maybe Or, at least, I’d be open to the possibility If the roles were reversed I’d still fight But I’d give less of myself Away to the enemy If the roles were reversed Shards of glass wouldn’t graze my skin Trying to shatter ceiling After ceiling After ceiling If the roles were reversed I’d have room for more Than panic And despair If the roles were reversed, I’d point at the tv At someone like me, and I’d say How cool is it that she’s ______ If the roles were reversed All the lessons I’ve learned Would be gone But so would the pain If the roles were reversed I’d be sad less But I’d cry more If the roles were reversed, My armour would be gone And I wouldn’t know how to fight Or survive If the roles were reversed I’d laugh less But at only the funny things If the roles were reversed I’d stand up and look grandma straight in the eye And I’d say You can’t say that. I’m ________ If the roles were reversed I’d hug her at night And smile at her During the day If the roles were reversed They would understand And they wouldn’t care If the roles were reversed I’d be truer Kinder Maybe not smarter, but nonetheless If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t feel the shiver Every time I think about It. I’d just shrug it off. But I don’t wish the roles were reversed I wouldn’t wish this on anyone And now the hurt Is all that keeps me sane I don’t wish the roles were reversed But I’m so proud of the ones Who overcame the fear. Because they’re heroes to me. I don’t wish the roles were reversed Because the pain The misunderstanding The fear Taught me something. Taught me to fight To be brave To be scared and sad and angry And to use the fear, the sadness, the anger To turn it cold To ice over and wait To wait until the time is right Like a snake, waiting to attack. And then, when the time is right, I know exactly what to say And how to hurt them the most Revenge is best served cold And sweet And you’d do best to savor it. After all, you’ve waited a lifetime.
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April 2020
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